What else should I be doing with my time?

1.Putting my laundry away- my bed is covered, there are full baskets of clean clothes on the floor.

2.Sewing costumes for Jr. High convention this weekend. I will post pictures of us later. We have 4 leaders, t-shirts with the Fantastic 4 logo, capes and eye masks for each of us, and we refer to our group as the “Fantastic 4 Jesus”. I need to get sewing.

3. Putting Zaphyn’s toys and books away.

4.Packing for the Jr. High all-nighter.

5.Keeping up with the pile of laundry thatnever ever seems to be done.

6.Emailing a few different people, for a few different reasons.

7.Sorting my digital photos on my computer. They are all over the place and it would be nice to have everything organized, especially now that I have Picasa3 downloaded, and can view, sort and edit them all very easily and painlessly.

8.Finishing the organizing in my scrapbooking/craft/rec room. Seriously. It is going to be so absolutely amazing to be able to play with Zaphyn, or to watch her play while I complete a sewing or scrapbooking project.

9.Watching our DVRd compies of American Idol that we missed because Justin was at the movies on Tuesday, and we were at Jr High on Wednesday.

10.Throwing out my old make-up and hair products. Yuck!

11.Scrapbooking & sorting photos to be scrapbooked.

12.Exercising. ’nuff said.

13.Finding clothes for the Buck-a-Bag clothing sale being held at Calvary Temple, Belleville, on Saturday 1 May.

I write all this to say, blogging wasn’t one of the things on my list, and therefore, I must be going for now.

Muahh!~

“NO ONE CAN FEEL YOUR PAIN! Empathy, the ability to feel what someone else feels, is one of the great myths of human relationships. Also, highly over-rated. I can create pain to approximate your pain…but that’s my pain, not yours. And when I do that, I focus on myself (self-absorbed) rather than helping you. Being happy/ useful to you when you’re in pain trumps the illusion of empathy.” -Bears Barry Neil Kaufman, via Facebook, 21 February, 2010

I had the pleasure of hearing Bears speak during one of my sessions at the Son-Rise Start-Up that I attended.

What stuck out the most to me is that in introducing myself after I told him that it was a pleasure to meet him.
He asked why.
I was speechless.
I had no idea.
I mean, there were the obvious points. I had just spent two years practicing a programme that he and his wife designed to “cure” Autism. I had spent the last 3 days reading materials that he wrote- materials that I considered completely eye-opening. But his question still had me stunned. Why was I happy to meet this man?
I don’t recall ever answering his question, but I know that I spent a great deal of time reflecting on what I had said.
I was left with the realization that I, like many others, have been programmed to say what I think needs to be said, thus beginning a complete change in perspective of what I am saying, and how I am reacting and interacting with those around me.

I have found myself reverting back to “the old me”- that regular outlook of saying what needs to be said, and moving on; thinking “how can I make that person happy?” or “how can I make this situation less awkward?”, in stead of saying what is on my mind, or doing something proactive.

Something I have been struggling with lately is empathy. What is it? It is defined as “understanding and entering into another’s feelings”. I think we’ve all expressed empathy, and been on the receiving end of it as well. I was so pleased to see the post that Bears made late last night on Facebook.

His statement made two things completely clear for me.
1. I can not expect anyone else to understand how I feel.
2. I can not expect that I will be able to understand how another person feels.

I did have this thought before, but not in a way that I would have deemed “socially acceptable”.
My dad died. Exactly two weeks after my 14th birthday, on the Saturday evening of my first week of high school. He had a heart attack, one that we had known was coming for quite a long time. By the following week I had been basically thrown into a counselling group that consisted of myself and two guys my age who had also lost their fathers. Those were the only things we had in common. Our dads had died, and we were 14. What could we offer to each other? Seriously? How could I sit there and expect to understand? How could either of them tell me that they knew what I was going through? I had concluded that they couldn’t, and now it is clear why.

When I attempt to “put myself in someone else’s shoes” I  am taking the focus off of them and their situation, and putting it on me. That causes me to also miss out on what that person’s needs are, and what more specifically, what they are telling me. I don’t need to understand. I don’t need to nod and say “I know” or even “it’s okay”. I am so guilty of this, even after having experienced the anger and frustration that can come as a result of everyone attempting to understand how you feel, in stead of just letting you feel. Every time I tell someone that I am sorry for their loss or situation I cringe. Seriously. I absolutely hate those words.

The best therapy I had when my dad died was a dear friend who sat with me, just listening to me speak, and not breaking the silent moments with empty words.

As Bears has sad, the best thing we can do for a friend in need is to remain happy, calm, strong, or whatever it is that they need.

I could go off on so many rants, or little insights, or major epiphanies, but I won’t. Not now. Maybe later.

I hope you understand.

So here is my 101 in 1001, to have completed by Monday, 12 November, 2012 (granted the world doesn’t end…):

101 in 1001
1. Start a day without having a coffee
2. Go for a walk after supper each night that it isn’t below zero, or pouring rain
3. Create an amazing craft and rec room.
4. Clean out, and completely declutter my basement: rec room and laundry room
5. Get fully caught up on my scrapbooking
6. Take Justin on an airplane
7. Get pictures taken of just Justin and me
8. Lose enough weight to get into that special outfit, and wear it with pride
9. Act in front of a large crowd
10. Do something different & drastic with my hair
11. Go for an entire week without driving anywhere
12. Keep my nightstand drawers free of clutter and useless papers
13. Sort through the 40 gb of photos that I have of Zaphyn’s first 18 months of life.
14. Print photos and create a family photo wall in our house
15. Phase out as many genetically modified, high fat/sugar/sodium content, unnatural foods from my family’s diet
16. Snowboard again
17. Take a dance class (belly dancing if I am really daring)
18. Plant a garden I am proud of and tend to it
19. Read at least one book a month
-February: Time Traveller’s Wife
20. Watch seasons 2 & 3 of Grey’s Anatomy
21. Prepare healthy freezer meals on a regular basis
22. Read The Strong Minded Child
23. Keep consistant with my Wii Fit, regardless of my gym activity
24. Keep consistant with my gym activities, regardless of my Wii Fit use
25. Phase caffeine out of my diet
26. Have a sleepover with friends
27. Give myself a foot bath and paint my own toenails
28. Have a professional pedicure
29. Go camping as a family
30. Potty train my daughter without using bribery
31. Watch all of Stargate Atlantis
32. Sew more costumes and sell them
33. Set up and use my serger
34. Only eat out for special occasions
35. Visit Ottawa
36. Visit Europe
37. Get rid of some of my old toys, and some of Zaphyn’s baby items
38. Attend a conference on something I am passionate about
39. Take my arbonne vitamins regularly
40. Run a 10k marathon
41. Remain faithful to FLYLady
42. Stay off the internet for an entire weekend
43. Fill my MP3 player with inspiring music
44. Stop taking midday naps
45. Ensure my home has “curb appeal”, for my own judgement, and not others’
46. Eat fish without hesitation
47. Decorate a cake with fondant
48. Catalogue all of my childrens books and movies
49. Keep the TV off during the day unless I have EVERYTHING done for the day
50. Not complain to anyone about anyone else for an entire week (eek!)
51. Spend more time with Justin
52. Get the bedroom and bathroom doors replaced, and new trim installed
53. Pray nightly with Zaphyn
54. Go an entire week only focusing on the positive aspect of situations
55. Do a set of 100 core exercises (sit ups, etc.) before bed each night
56. Not call Justin at work unless it is completely necessary
57. Keep my home company-ready at all times
58. Pay more attention to my dog
59. Write a resume and portfolio
60. Decorate the back patio to be a summer “oasis”
61. Show Justin an ocean
62. Keep a food journal
63. Update my blog at least three times a week
64. Apply make-up and do my hair before going out of the house
65. Pay off my credit cards in full
66. Pay off my laser surgery
67. Begin saving for “the future”
68. Troop in MY OWN armour
69. Go to the ROM with my family
70. Learn to knit
71. Sew sundresses for Zaphyn
72. Learn to duel (ie Fencing, swords, sabres) Completed 15 February, 2010
73. Play baseball
74. Wash my face morning and night
75. Whiten my teeth
76. Decorate my bedroom
77. Sew curtains for Zaphyn’s room
78. Watch Glee from the beginning
79. Meet an online friend
80. Have a bubble bath, with candles, etc. like in a movie
81. Get properly fit for a bra
82. Clean out my mom’s room
83. Buy a digital SLR and learn how to use it properly
84. Find the perfect job
85. Learn how to say no
86. Perform a random act of kindness
87. Walk 10,000 steps per day for a week
88. Get my blood analyzed
89. Stop eating for emotional reasons
90. Take a day trip by myself
91. Grocery shop with a list and a strict budget
92. Sponsor a local child in the Toys for Tots charity
93. Go on a date with my husband
94. Do something completely spontaneous
95. Hike local trails without being winded
96. Take Zaphyn to an amusement park
97. Go to a concert with Justin
98. Go to a musical with Justin
99. Make a supply of cards to have ready for various occasions
100. See mountains
101. Go ziplining

One year ago she was just about to start her first swim lesson, was barely introduced to solids, and had little interest in anything besides music. Now she is one week away from her second level of swim lessons, is chomping down on a piece of pizza beside me while I write this, and has an interest in all things music, but has broadened that to a love of dancing and singing.

She loves her Fisher Price Little People, books, our dog Ani, and chocolate milk.

She just got her canine teeth in.

She does anything to get a laugh.

She tickles the TV.

She tries to ride our dog, calling her a horse.

She loves outside, and is obsessed with trees.

She knows approximately 100 ASL signs.

1. My family. I am thankful for two of the most fun, caring, and life-loving people I have ever known. I can’t imagine life without them! I am thankful for their health, their smiles, and their big hugs.
2. I am thankful for Doctor Who, yes, but more importantly, I am thankful for the experiences I have had as a result of having an interest in science fiction. Because of fan groups and costuming I have gone all over NA, and met some amazing people, and I am extremely thankful for that!
3. I am thankful for my Neti Pot. It makes life easy for someone who suffers from sinus problems.
4. I am thankful for Reid’s Dairy, and their extra large “small” waffle twist cones.
5. I am thankful for my Mum, and the hard work she has put in to ensuring that I had/have only the best, and that I live up to my full potential. She’s been there for me every step of the way.
6. I am thankful for my friends. Not just my costuming friends (some pictured here), but all of my friends, online ones too.
7. I am thankful for rainbows. They are beautiful strams of refracted light, and it amazes me that something so simple could create something so breathtaking.
8. I am thankful for my siblings. I have others who aren’t pictured here, but still, I am thankful for each of them for different reasons. They all bring something a little different to the family, and I like it!
9. I am thankful for Arbonne Baby products, especially the diaper rash cream. It works miracles on every blemish, skin irritation and soar that I have tried it on. At $18 for a tube that lasts a year, who wouldn’t be thankful?!
10. I am thankful for homemade food. I like knowing what goes into my food, and the fact that I was able to quickly and easily whip up some roasted apple sauce with a good friend one evening just makes it that much more special.
11. I am thankful for travelling. In this picture I am technically in two places at once- Massachusetts and Connecticut, which is pretty awesome.
12. I am thankful for gerbera daisies- a brilliant flower!
13. I am thankful for Calvary Temple. I have put a picture up of the building, which I am thankful for, don’t get me wrong! What I am truly thankful for are the people who attend- the friends I have made there, and each and every individual who finds themselves there. I am so glad we’ve found a great church family!

There were quite a few yummy tasting ones that we stumbled across, but after a family vote we chose:
Crockpot Chocolate Mess.

It was very good, but extremely difficult to clean out of the slow cooker, even with all those great cleaning tips I’ve heard from far and wide. Perhaps that should have been my next search.

Here’s the long story.

September of 2008 I had a consultation with Lasik MD in Kingston, ON to find out my candidacy for laser eye correction. Although I was eligible to receive the surgery there was a concern about the fact that I had just had a baby, and therefore my surgery was postponed for at least one year, and until I was more comfortable.

Fast forward to July 11, 2009. I went to Polaris, a convention in Toronto, where I was given a Clonetrooper helmet as part of a trade deal. The problem was that I couldn’t wear my glasses while wearing the helmet. I retreated to my hotel room where I went on to the Lasik MD site and booked another consultation, this time for July 15th.

At my consultation I was told that my prescription had changed in my right eye, but that everything was still wonderful, and we could go ahead with the surgery. The competent and friendly staff were able to book me in for the next Thursday, July 23rd!

Thursday came and Justin and I made our way to Kingston. Zaphyn was with my mom all day. I arrived at 10:30, had a pre-op check that ensured my prescription had stayed the same, and that all readings were accurate and consistent with previous recordings. My appointment for surgery was not until 1pm. At 11am I was taken into the counselling room where the steps of surgery, post-op care, eye drops and check-ups were explained. I was then given the time to go get lunch. At 12:45 I returned to the centre and was given a Percocet. At 12:55pm I was escorted upstairs along side Justin and two other patients.

I was first on the list, so I was also first to receive my hair net, and have my eyelids sterilized (they don’t want anything to get into the eye during or after the procedure).

Upon entering the surgery room I was greeted by the surgical team who walked me through the surgery again. Many people have asked what was going through my head at that moment. Seriously, it was “Gee, I hope this doesn’t take too long, we need to add a dollar to the parking meter.”

The entire procedure was uncomfortable, but not painful. There is a suction put on your eye that prevents it from moving. It produces a pressure much like a sinus headache across your eye sockets. After that they only problem I had was post surgery when they found a piece of dust under the flap they had cut in my eye. It resulted in my flap being opened up an additional 3 times before the little spec dissappeared. I completely respect the team for being so thorough. That eye is still a little more swollen than the other, but I am otherwise back to normal!

After the surgery they kept me in the darkened waiting room upstairs for a few minutes. I was then assisted with putting my first set of drops in my eyes, and then escorted downstairs. I waited there for my post op check-up, and was sent home a total of 45 minutes after my surgery.

I slept for 12 hours straight that night, and was up first thing the next morning for another check-up in Kingston. Not even 24 hours later I was already at 20/20!

It was definitely one of the best things I have ever done!

1. I saved Justin’s cell phone! Justin misplaced his phone, and discovered it missing about three days after we could remember last seeing it. After some frantic searching, and giving up hope, the phone was found in the recycling bin outside- Thanks Zaphyn, by the way! It had rained every night since being out there, but thankfully I had just read this post: http://paulsbride.blogspot.com/2009/07/how-to-bring-wet-ipod-back-to-life.html . I decided to give it a try for the cell phone, and it worked!!!

First I took the back cover and battery off and dried them with a cloth. I then put the entire phone into an airtight container and filled the container with uncooked white rice. It was left for about 30 hours before Justin grew too excited (read: impatient) to leave it any longer. When he put it together and turned it on it was all systems go!

Thanks for your post, Jessica! You were definitely our hero that day!

2. I started back to work fulltime. June 1st marked the end of my full year of maternity/parental leave (Thank you Government of Canada!), and I returned to a place that I truly love, Phippen House. For those who don’t know, Phippen House is a group home in Trenton. We care for medically fragile youth. It is a wonderful place to work! Getting back in to the work routine was a little tough, and still has its challenges even months later. I work different shifts than before, so the plans I had originally made regarding when I would spend time with Zaphyn also had to change accordingly.

Thankfully, I have my mom watching Zaphyn while Justin and I are both at work, so that eases the stress significantly!
I am sure there will be more to blog about work in future posts…believe me

I think that’s all i can write for now. I will add more, perhaps later today.

In the past month I have planned a birthday party (to be held the 4th of July), had my living room and hallway painted, replanted my entire garden (with MUCH help), returned to work from my year of maternity leave, visited New York City, and went on a week-long Autism-based training program in the USA.

I have so many pictures of each of these events that I hope to share very soon.